JETWASH ... Here i am waiting again, and the longer I wait the more hours I'll have to work, again. I'll go clean the car, don't waste time ...so I get to the jet wash on Upper Brook St. The guy in there is using a cleaning spray he's brought with him then using the Jet Wash brush without turning the machine on ... parsimonious penny pinching Jet-brushing Pirate! ... and it won't work, the brush will leave stains that rinsing won't clear. Look at the slowness of him ... he'll be in there all day ... so he only spends a pound, just for the rinse! ... I'll wait, the car needs a clean ... and wait ... and wait ... Why oh why did I decide to wait? I knew just by looking at him! .. No point driving away now, I've waited ages already .. Has he got a gear past 1? ... Wouldn't like him as my first choice striker; mind you when Lukaku recently accidentally leaked the Cold Trafford training ground speed stats he was a lot nippier than people thought; nowhere near Aguero's skill level though. What a moment, "Just watch this! Drink it in! You may never see it's like again!". Come on City! Champions of England! Looks can sometimes be deceptive, but not in the case of our Tortoise paced penurious Pirate Jet-washer. I've seen Living statues move faster in Piccadilly. Aye aye. Finally he's done. Who's he giving the wave of acknowledgement to? Me? Better give it back I suppose, live from love not hate etc. And he's away, nope, not quite, just needs to adjust his mirror, and make sure that seat belt's nice and tight, and look over both shoulders three times and make Sunday roast. And, finally, he's away.
Right, let's start with two quid, should do the hot brush that. Money in the slot and, what do you know? Working first time. And here we go. Bloody hell! Oh no, what's this? There are marks all over, this brush is bloody filthy! That's him using it without the machine, all the muck from his car's going straight on mine, never mind, accept, it's done, calm, calm, calm, now start at the bottom half until I've got all his muck off the brush ... why not just use the bloody machine if you're in the machine's spot? ... Going to need another pound now, just for brushing, I won't beat the 3 pound record today now. There's still some of his muck coming out. Thanks mate, I'm sure ...
Right, rinsing, that's at least another quid now. Bloody hell that's very soapy ... get the angle right ... the science of the jet wash; create maximum power based on distance and angle. Woah. What's going on here? it's not clearing, I bet there was wax in that stuff he was putting on ... it's all stuck on the brush hasn't it? The machine's stopped again, was that really two quid's worth? That's another bloody pound, jeez, he's costing me a fortune this guy. So, another coin ... It's still not rinsing ... hang on, I haven't pressed the wax button have I? Press 'rinse' again, just in case, nope, still not clearing. Oh there's no point to this now, my car's going to be covered in wax, it'll just keep soaping up. Just rinse air best you can ... Bloody hell ... Oh sod it, it's the best I'm going to get now ... I'm away. ... Watch out for pedestrians walking behind you now.don't want any road kill today thanks. Right, now the Vac ... Oh god he's in there now, the dirty brush covering with wax sluggish Pirate ... I'll do it later, I'm not waiting that long. Bloody hell. I'm offski. Head back into town for the Uni students, Gay Village, Hotels etc. and the Saturday morning Taxis of Shame lads lying on the phone, lasses shoeless and panda eyed from last night's cavorting. Ha ha.. Get the radio on; Oh no, no more Brexit bollocks please, that's all I need. Radio 3, some Classical, to calm the beast ... calm, calm, calm, and breathe ... and start again
by A.K. Mcallister (on Facebook and Instagram)
www.Akamaka.com
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