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Writer's pictureA.K. McAllister (akamaka.co)

Is that cool mate yah?

New York St. Manchester City centre 09.20 Sun a.m ...


I'm waiting for the customer, waiting, no sign, waiting . . . I get a message;

"I'm looking for you',

I send one back, 'where are you?'

I get a reply, "Can you go to Alchemist?"

I do exactly so. Nobody in sight, I wait again, my phone rings,

"Where are you mate?"

"I'm at The Alchmist, New York St"

"Near Piccadilly gardens yeah?"

"Near Piccadilly Gardens. Yeah"

"Ok cool cool, I'll obvs er err, I'll be 5 minutes yah, cool? Sorry, yah, I've just ordered some chips yah is that cool yah?"

"No mate, it's not really"

I'm now preparing to cancel.

"Oh right, I'll be as fast as I can yah? I'm just ordering my chips now yah. Ok cool yah?"

"Just ordering! No mate, it isn't cool yah. I've been waiting 10 mins already. Why don't you book a table and order a glass of Bollie and a couple of lines to go with it, and I'll just wait until you're ready"

"Ok, is that cool yah? so won’t be long, I'm like next in the queue yah. Is that cool yah?"

"You told me you'd already ordered mate. Ok then, yeah, that's cool, yeah, enjoy your breakfast.

"I've just ordered, is that cool yah, just getting my kebab ready now-"

FFS. Job cancelled yah.

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